This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, we aren't sure any of us would have done it!!

POSITION:

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma, Mother, Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.

Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.

Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!

Travel expenses not reimbursed.

Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life.

Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.

Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages andmental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.

Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

None.

Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately.

On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them!

Offering frequent raises and bonuses.

A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.

When you die, you give them whatever is left.

The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

GOLDEN PARACHUTE:

Grandkids

Rules from God
1. Wake Up !! Decide to have a good day.
"Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" Psalms 118:24
2. Dress Up !! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance; but the Lord looks at the heart."
I Samuel 16:7
3 . Shut Up!! Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. "He who guards his lips guards his soul." Proverbs 13:3

4. Stand Up!!..... For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything.. "Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as w e have opportunity, let us do good..." Galatians 6:9-10
5. Look Up !!... To the Lord.
"I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13

6. Reach Up !!... For something higher. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, And He will direct your path."
Proverbs 3:5-6
7. Lift Up !!... Your Prayers.
"Do not worry about anything;
Instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING."
Philippians 4:6

You can have a great day if you set yourself up right! Sleep, coffee, and attitude. The three most important ingredients for a very busy person, especially a parent running around with a young child!

1. Sleep. Must have! Or else attitude goes, fun goes, nothing gets done and day feels very, very long. Get the sleep you need or at least relax a short time with a short meditation of gratitude. It works wonders!

2. Coffee. When sleep is lacking, which is most likely is... Coffee can be your best friend! It tastes good, it's warm or cold - whichever you like, and best of all, it works! Works to keep awake, alert, and thus, happy with all that the day gives. If you don't like coffee, there are lots of substitutes for caffeine. But, too much of a good thing can make you drowsy... strange but true!

3. Attitude. Once a day, do an attitude check. Check in with your gratitude, your reason why you do what you do, and be happy again. Attitude will save you! Put that good attitude on and your great day will follow. The people around you will also reflect a similar attitude, so might as well make it the best one. An attitude check can be done with a short 5-10 min of reflections or meditations, on gratitude.

Make it a great day and be happy!!

Toppler... [ta wp-LER] A topless toddler, usually caused by an unprepared mommy who forgets to pack a change of clothes.

Here's a great baby video! Enjoy, click here.
Have fun with your babe today!

When Lucas gets frustrated, he pulls hair and now takes the earrings out as well. OUCH!!! Mom abuse! Here's the advice I got and will give to you...

• Remember, you are stronger than him.
• Don't let him pull hair.
• Don't wear earrings - advice from a guy.
• He needs a big time out!
• Normal - my 2 year old did that too - but set the law.
• Set the rules.

Please tell us more to set a terrible 2's straight!