This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, we aren't sure any of us would have done it!!

POSITION:

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma, Mother, Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.

Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.

Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!

Travel expenses not reimbursed.

Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES:

The rest of your life.

Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.

Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages andmental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.

Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:

None.

Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:

None required unfortunately.

On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION:

Get this! You pay them!

Offering frequent raises and bonuses.

A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.

When you die, you give them whatever is left.

The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

GOLDEN PARACHUTE:

Grandkids

Rules from God
1. Wake Up !! Decide to have a good day.
"Today is the day the Lord hath made; let us rejoice and be glad in it" Psalms 118:24
2. Dress Up !! The best way to dress up is to put on a smile. A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at outward appearance; but the Lord looks at the heart."
I Samuel 16:7
3 . Shut Up!! Say nice things and learn to listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, so He must have meant for us to do twice as much listening as talking. "He who guards his lips guards his soul." Proverbs 13:3

4. Stand Up!!..... For what you believe in. Stand for something or you will fall for anything.. "Let us not be weary in doing good; for at the proper time, we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as w e have opportunity, let us do good..." Galatians 6:9-10
5. Look Up !!... To the Lord.
"I can do everything through Christ who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13

6. Reach Up !!... For something higher. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, And He will direct your path."
Proverbs 3:5-6
7. Lift Up !!... Your Prayers.
"Do not worry about anything;
Instead PRAY ABOUT EVERYTHING."
Philippians 4:6

Toppler... [ta wp-LER] A topless toddler, usually caused by an unprepared mommy who forgets to pack a change of clothes.

Here's a great baby video! Enjoy, click here.
Have fun with your babe today!

When Lucas gets frustrated, he pulls hair and now takes the earrings out as well. OUCH!!! Mom abuse! Here's the advice I got and will give to you...

• Remember, you are stronger than him.
• Don't let him pull hair.
• Don't wear earrings - advice from a guy.
• He needs a big time out!
• Normal - my 2 year old did that too - but set the law.
• Set the rules.

Please tell us more to set a terrible 2's straight!

Toddlers love to explore, discover and totally change your house and your life. They like to change your hairdo by pulling it. They like being devious while smiling and having fun. They run run run until they just stop and hit the bed.

Then they love to speak their own language, a language that no one understands fully. They want to speak desperately, but, no one call fully understand. Once he gets the English language, we will hear a lot we may not want to understand.

Enjoy him now, so I hear!!!

After 22 years of military service, I retired. I am still very young - not exactly of retirement age. But I retired when my focus changed to my new family and especially my little boy, Lucas. There are always mixed feelings when one chapter of life ends and the other starts. Those feelings are real and are with me. However, I can't imagine being deployed away from my little one and my opportunity to continue to grow my family. This is so very special. More than any job, even the military. This choice was simple - do I want to be away or with him and my current life? I love my current life as mom much, much more than the military. That was my huge distraction and forced me to change my life, ending my military career. A great and wonderful distraction. I am so grateful for him and for my new life!

How I love the central vac! It's quiet, it's light, and it's easy to use. For all those qualities, Lucas, now 23 mos, loves it too! He loves to unplug the vac from the wall and then plug it in. Unplug, plug, unplug, plug... OK, might as well do something else!!! There's no childproofing the central vac. The only option is to use it while he naps. But another thing about the central vac... He enjoys vacuuming! Yes, he likes to vacuum. He pulled it away from me and didn't want my help either. The only alternative - the power of distraction!

Gone are the days when Lucas didn't understand what you were talking about! He was pouring water from a watering can into a breakable flower pot. He broke only a few pieces off the pot. He probably didn't realize that the pot was breakable until I told my husband that it was breakable and that he should give breakable things to a toddler. Well, that was the information that Lucas needed! He took the pot and threw it down a few times and broke it into pieces!!
Wow, the power of suggestion!!

Try, try again - you will reach success!

Lucas has been a handful lately. 22 mos and desires full independence!

Mornings are always hectic, between getting something into his belly and getting something into mine, and dealing with all the steps to getting us out the door. Just think, we have a later schedule than most! As I was preparing my breakfast - he was already fed - he decided to go upstairs and throw a book downstairs. I promptly went upstairs and found him in his bedroom. I told him it was wrong and closed the door. Then, I found his "lovey" blanket and put it in the room and re-closed the door. He only cried a little and quieted down, hugging and sucking on his blanket. This gave me time to enjoy breakfast and gave him the isolation he needed to calm down, becoming a better person. When he came out of the room, he was so much more cooperative! It was so wonderful to be with him!

Lesson learned!! After bad behavior, send the child to his room immediately with the "lovey." Enjoy this isolation time that calms both Mom/Dad and child.

"I am thankful for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need to be cleaned and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home...I am thankful for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are nearby."
Nancie Carmody

This MOM is the best! Enjoy the video from CNBC.
http://news.cnnbcvideo.com/?nid=52R1_LEy.KZH1g3e99VcczEyNjI4NTUz&referred_by=16119985-m4odrVx&p=csm

After quite some time of figuring when might be the right time for a swim lesson and where might be the right place, we finally took the plunge. Lucas had his first swim lesson on April 30, 2009, 21mos old/young. We went to a private business, rather than a Y or JCC. She is very experienced with all kids and knows a lot. I did my research and was very comfortable. The class was an hour with mixed ages and abilities. All good.

This is how the class went:

• The first 15 minutes of class was consistent crying and she held him the whole time by her side.



• The next 45 minutes was intermittent crying, not bad and some smiles and enjoyment.



• Lucas wore as many floaties on his arms as possible, with a floatie on his back. Looked like the Michellin Man!



• The instructor put Lucas at arms length and then completely away from her. With each transition, he cried but then stopped and realized that all was fine.



• Lucas loved jumping off the side into the pool!



• He loved the big beach ball and toys in the pool!



• And he even kicked and blew away water from his face!



• Progress made and he was very, very happy!!

That's our first swim story in a nutshell. We are both looking forward to another swim lesson. He even attempted to walking into a pond today - must be he likes water now!

Inspirational Video by Zig Ziglar http://ping.fm/8HsDX

"I do not think that there is any other quality so essential to success of any kind as the quality of perseverance. It overcomes almost everything, even nature." John D. Rockefeller

"I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: the only ones among you who will be really happy are those who have sought and found how to serve." Albert Schweitzer.

Before I was a Mom , I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom , I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom , I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom , I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much. I never knew I would love being a Mom .

Before I was a Mom , I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom , I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom . I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom .

Here's an inspirational video - anything is possible.
http://vodpod.com/watch/1165857-walk-on-espn-video

This is great, to get you in the mood http://thesecret.tv/ Even if you've seen it, do it again, for your mind!

Anyone using Peek from PING.fm?

using Ping.fm to connect to everyone.

Stay at home moms enjoy playgroups, visiting other moms, shopping, spending money and so many more amazing thing with their precious little one. They could also do simple work at home during baby's naps or right after bed time and make some extra money. This can vary from only dollars to an easy $1000 sale and more. There is so much potential for stay at home moms. They have the energy - or maybe not - and desire to devote to something other than go go ga ga. There's no put down here, but be real. Don't we just love interaction with other adults on another topic?! Plus, making money is fun and brings more security in your life than the paycheck of your hubby or significant other. That could disappear any day, one never knows and you could easily save the day.

Some qualities that will lead to success with your home business are:

• Being clear on why you are doing this business in the first place
• Self starter and self motivated
• Priority organized - not necessarily time organized
• Desire of something bigger, with an understanding that there is no secure job out there - especially now.